Hojo's Data

Entry #5

2004-03-13T08:37:31Z

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Well, I am packed and ready to head out on my own. The recent excitement has left me quite exhausted and I believe I deserve a brief hiatus. I am currently on my way to Junon via one of Rufus's helicopters. I left a few of the 'incriminating' photos on your desk Mr. President, they should suffice..

Scarlet entered the lab late last night fully intoxicated.. Her blood-alcohol level should have killed her.. Yet she managed get in a few fondling gropes before she so gloriously passed out on my lap. The girls were preoccupied with the posters they had been supplied with by the heroes, so I was left wedged under Miss Scarlet for a few hours until I was able to pry her off me with one of her nearby "toys."

Alcohol, bah! It seems the world today cares nothing for the well-being of their own brain-cells. It's a pity really.. This race is doomed..

On a later note, the package sent to Number XIII made it to its destination.. It seems he did not take the time to forward it right away as he had meant to.. For the camera placed in the package was able to snap a rather INTERESTING photograph and was immediately sent to my laptop...

http://www.geocities.com/teka_yaoi/graphics/force02.jpg

*adjusts glasses* I believe the photo speaks for itself.

My replies to any comments may stop indefinitely while I am away.. But worry not, I shall return as soon as my time allows it.. Good-day to you all!

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Entry #4

2004-03-12T00:48:30Z

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*Heavy sigh* Unfortunate as it may be, the Turk placed a few most terrible ideas in Miss Scarlet's head before she was prepped for surgery. I'm afraid my eardrums are bleeding.. Yet that wont last long.. my own regenerating properties in my advanced cells are already diligently working on fixing the tear in my fragile ears...

Is this divine retribution? It was for the good of the experiment to see how far along my dear Turk has progressed in these three decades! And I must say, he's 'progressed' very well indeed, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee...

Either way, the surgery was a... as Miss Scarlet would put it, a 'glorious' success! She has the voice of a siren now.. Ah how lovely it is.. My work is pure genius once again!

It seems the heroes wish to make an exchange for the rather 'embarrassing' photos I shot of Strife ... one as disoriented as he, I was not surprised to see he lived a double-life.. But a triple-life? That is a new one... First Class SOLDIER by day.. Cross-dressing Honeybee Inn girl by night... Mako-induced comatose when not the former.. I do believe Strife, that you indeed have a serious case of Identity Crisis! hee, hee, hee, hee!

Seeing as they stole my prized Vincent clones, I am on a teetering edge on if to comply or not... These are very good photos after all.. And I can always make new clones. Yet then again.. I have been training them for the past three decades.. They are the perfect example of loyalty and obedience! And I'm quite sure whoever they are with at the moment are VERY pleased... I'm talking to you, Pilot.. I'd advise you not to attempt to break them... Though I'm almost positive they may very well break you instead if they've happened to drag you into bed.. Their stamina is one-hundred times that of any normal human, Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

On a later note, the escaped specimen Number XIII Red has also acquired a journal of his own and left some very heartfelt comments towards myself. I warn you, Number XIII, threats will get you no where in this world.. And I'm quite aware of the vile deeds of ShinRa's organization... and myself. All for the good of science I say!

You will not have to worry about being recaptured. I got what I needed from you long ago. Your genes were quite helpful in a few of my later experiments. You're of no use to me now... though I'll send you a bag of catnip for being such a 'good sport' about everything. The package is on its way!

Though your suggestion of an anthropomorphic body is quite intriguing.. Hehehehe.. I'd be happy to 'help' you in this area, Number XIII... seeing as you have an UNNATURAL attraction to the pilot, it would be interesting to see the developments of this! Give me a call and we'll work something out... I'm always around.. I'm like a cockroach.. I'll survive a nuclear holocaust! GWAH, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!

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Entry #3

2004-03-11T00:35:32Z

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Blast it all!! Those insolent little maggots actually succeeded in rescuing the cadaverous one! How.. How did they get past my barrage of fangirls?

....What's this?

*finds a poster-picture of himself laying out on the beach*

!?!? What!? Who took this photo! I demand an explanation! .... Hmm.. Though I do not look bad there.. In fact the lighting brings out my alabaster pallor quite well actually!

*he turns around to find all his girls ogling over the photo's scattered about the disheveled lab.. others rushing to the bathroom, and having to wait in line.. each having a violent bowel movement*

Clever ... most clever...

It seems I underestimated them once more..

No matter! This is just another chance at ultimate improvement!

And besides.. I got what I wanted out of all of this anyway.. As well as a few shots of the heroes in their not so brightest hour... Who knew strife would look so good in a dress? and I'm surprised to find that the pilot has a very distinct and rather attractive posterior..

*flips through his exotic photos of Vincent*

Oh, that's a good one.. I may post it above my bed! Hee, hee, hee, hee..

All this excitement I believe calls for a vacation... I'm about to pack up Whatever has not been destroyed and head out with the girls.. Once they've taken a few tranquilizers to settle their upset stomachs..

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Entry #2

2004-03-10T01:06:10Z

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It seems created this journal was a far better idea than I expected.. Those irritable ruffians who foiled my plans have all made their own journals as well.. Including a few others I was positive were ceased to be..

My recent 'rise from the dead' has brought up an uproar of controversy! And apparently those annoying little would-be heroes are coming to 'stop me' from 'whatever it is that I am doing' .. Hahaha! It shall not be so easy this time, I assure you!

My dear cadaverous Turk was so infuriated to find me alive.. Poor thing.. I shall just have to make his pain go away, now shall I? He and my abominate son... who so miraculously survived the efforts of that weakling Spikey-haired failure.. Have arrived in Midgar to kill me! Isn't that the most absurd thing you've ever heard? I would think so, Hahaha..

My lovely fangirls have properly subdued the Turk and at the moment I'm pondering what I shall do with him...

What do you think girls? Shall I place him in the Iron-Maiden?

But like.. That'll make him look like swish-cheese!
And I'm lacTOAST intolerant!
That's lactose intolerant I think!
Yeah that's the word!
Actually he would come out kinda bloody, wouldn't he?
That's not cool! He'll be all dead and stuff!
NUUUU! NOT DEAD!
He's to hot to die!
*whine*
*bitch*
*moan*

*Sigh..* He's practically the living-dead anyhow! *shakes head* Forget it.. I should just feed him to the monsters that are running rampant in the city... any idea's on what to do with the Turk, would be appreciated..

For now, Miss Scarlet has arisen from the dead as well... hopefully she become a prized asset of my collection.. Rather than a nuisance.. Further study must be executed..

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Entry #1

2004-03-07T21:33:31Z

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I've started my own personal journal, in order to document my recent studies... I've made access to this journal Online in order to educate the ignorant masses and hopefully enable them to gain a few more brain-cells with each entry they read. I am currently communicating via a headset which transfers my speech into digitalized words on the computer... So I may have my hands free to work on my current, and rather fragile experiments.

It has occurred to me that I was assumed not of the living any longer, Ha, Ha, Ha! Preposterous! I cannot vanish so easily with the great power which still resides within me... I have taken residence within Midgar, which seems to have been overrun with annoying Plant-life, which insists on disrupting my work.. As you may know.. Project Jenova was a complete and utter FAILURE. It seems my abominate son had more flaws than I had perceived and--

PROFESSOR!! Professor, Professor!

Woman, silence yourself! Look what you're making me write!

But we cant find it anywhere, Professor!
Yeah, it's like totally not here!
There's garbage everywhere! There's like no way we'll ever find your scrunchy!

For the Last Time, GIRLS, it's a Hair-tie! It's been missing since the Mako-cannon incident and due to my unruly hair, my vision is completely obscured! Now I order you to find it now, or there will be no Procreation tonight!

No procreation!??!
*Girlish screams of protest*
OMIGOD! We'll find it! We'll find it!!

*Sigh* As you can see the 'Bikini Girl Reunion' theory was a complete success. The women from Costa Del Sol have flocked back to me, just as I expected.. Hopefully future experiments will do just as well...

Due to meteor nearly obliterating my entire lab, I've been in need of Mechanical assistance... I shall make a note to kidnap.. I mean.. Call an engineer later.

We found it Professor Hojo!
Yes, we did!
We, you're humble guinea-pigs have retrieved your scrunchy!!

You imbeciles!! That's the fan-belt to the generator! Put it back before the energy backs up and---

*EXPLOSION*

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